Sabotage

I haven't blogged in ages. I have thought about it on occasion, I have even made a couple of half-hearted attempts but ultimately, my heart hasn't been in it so I haven't bothered. It's a blog with few readers - I'm effectively talking to myself so that itself shouldn't really matter but it does because it's an attitude that has pervaded other areas of my life and it's making me feel wretched.

I know the advantages of eating and training well and I have let these things slip due to crappy health problems and the restrictions of caring for my mother. This was stupid, or if not stupid, at least backwards. I should have made a priority of those things in order to sustain myself and enable me to care for my mother and carry on with the rest of my life. What I find is that when two or more parts of my personal puzzle get out of place (e.g. eating clean and training), everything else starts to slip. I am more prone to fatigue, injury, poor sleep patterns, PMT and negative thinking. Letting these things fall by the wayside is the psychological equivalent of digging myself a great big bloody hole and jumping in, there to wallow in pity in the darkness at the bottom.

I posted elsewhere that "I have forgotten the face of my father" because it's a quote that's been echoing around my head for days. In essence, it just means that I am not being true to myself and if that's the case, no wonder I feel so crap! I also appeared to have forgotten the flip side of my situation. That is, if a couple of pieces going astray throws things out of whack, reinstating those very things will start to reverse the process and allow everything else to fall back into place. It's wonderful in it's simplicity.

So tomorrow is the start of a detox. I need to get my liver all happy again and, I'm sure, great things will follow.