Knicky-knacky-knoo

"Tae see oursels as others see us"

It's not often you'll find me quoting Burns, though I did grow up in Burns country and thus I think he's inescapably part of my mind's landscape (which is ok with me - dude did actually talk a lot of sense). That line up there has been bouncing about in my head for the past couple of days.

I don't tend to have a very high opinion of myself. Sorting out the body was Phase 1 in amending that. There is still some work required on that front but really, it's the mind that needs attention.  I need to make a conscious effort not to be down on myself and what I need to remember is this: the rest of the world doesn't know that I feel like that! My extreme loser-dom is not immediately obvious to all and sundry and, in fact, there are people out there who actually think I'm quite good at things. I am capable of making people happy - how good is that? 

Case in point, the saga of Peter Puffit. A friend of ours emigrated to Australia a few months ago. This meant sorting through his many worldly possessions to decide what would be taken with him, what would be shipped out later and what just had to go (and though I am a hoarder, I've got nothing on this guy). One of the things he elected to keep was a sad old 70s crochet affair. What was once a ladybird floor cushion called Peter Puffit, now a moth eaten, saggy old thing (but Allan loved him). In honour of his new start in Melbourne, we decided that I would make him an all new one but smaller for transport purposes and so Peter Puffit Jnr came to be. Here he is:

It appears that PTP Jnr has now made it to the other side of the world :) I'm strangely tickled that something I made is now in a country I have never even seen. Is it weird that I myself feel strangely more real now that something which came from my hands and mind now exists entirely outside the context of me? I think the best bit is the PTP Jnr is a comfort to Allan (or so I like to believe).

In conclusion: self, you are not useless - please remember this and live your life accordingly!

Have I mentioned that I love my yoga teacher? I do, I love my yoga teacher. She's the business. Proof, were it needed: she touched my foot the other week and I didn't curl up and die (I don't do feet, even the father of my child was never allowed to touch my feet. That's how much I don't do them). Anyway, she was talking today about manifest thoughts. I believe there's something in that. Without sounding too wanky, I feel like there are more positive influences coming into play in my life and I'm going to go with that. Well, that and my prison yard fitness regime ... and my fancy pants :)

Measuring up

Do you know how difficult it is to measure your own bicep? Very would be the answer! Decided to take a few proper measurements today for a couple of reasons; firstly to mark progress with the action babe challenge and secondly, if I'm making new knickers, I need to know what size to make them. I'm quite excited to get started :)

I've sketched out a few designs and ordered some lacey bits online (was I meant to be using up stash for this project? Oops). Hopefully I'll have time later to draft my pattern, ready to get cracking on it tomorrow. I will endeavour not to get carried away and stay up really late making my first pair(s).

Having finished the 3 x 100 press ups challenge over on the Runners Forum, I've been having a think about what to do next and so I've been loitering at T-Nation again, sifting my way through some of the articles. This one: http://www.t-nation.com/free_online_article/most_recent/plp_the_60day_challenge&cr= caught my eye. I noticed when I first started the press ups challenge that I was really leaning out. Without altering my diet, I was able to achieve considerable fat loss - not quite a six pack, more like a four but that's pretty darn good considering! So I already suspected that High Frequency Training was effective for me and since this programme can be done in addition to my usual training, I'm going to give it a go.

Today is going to count as day one. My weakest exercise of the three is the pull up and since I want to do them all properly, I'm going to start at 1 rep instead of 10 because I can only do 3 with decent form and no kipping. Let's see how I get on :)

Ooh, shiny! Or should I say frilly?

I had a post all written (well, half-written as is my way) all about realising what a terrible hoarder I am and how unproductive that becomes after a while. All this was prompted by having to empty out my handbag and discovering 4 crochet hooks, three types of yarn, a darning needle, sketches of a new tattoo design, a protein bar (sadly well out of date) and a training diary, amongst other things. I believe my point was that I was long overdue for a clear out of my bag, my home, my life.

I may have to hold off on that for the moment though. I was having a nose about online earlier because I fancied some nice new underwear and it occurred to me that I would be an idiot to pay what some places are asking. Do I not have a sewing machine and the skill to operate it? Do I in fact not have plenty of suitable fabric, thread and trimmings? Well, since I never throw anything out of course I do! So I am going to try my hand at making some knickers - I'm very excited! :)

The decluttering will have to happen at some point though. I am thinking about dipping my toe back in the waters of the relationship game again and let's face it, fancy pants will only distract a man for so long. At some point, he's going to wake up and notice that there are things crowding in on him from every side. I can only hope that my prospective boy is not claustrophobic. We have known each other for a while but he has not yet been to my house so he has no notion of the sheer volume of books and yarn and fabric and stuff that crowd the place.

I have a bit of time yet anyway to sort things out. I am still swithering about whether I should even do anything about this little flirty thing we've got going on. It has now been over 5 months since I broke up with the ex and I am starting to feel a bit better about myself again. I am wary though, I will say that. Crazy ex wounded me more deeply than I care to admit and I do not want to let that happen again. I thought I would not even be interested in anyone else for quite some time but this boy (I shall call him the Bear), there's just something about him. He's just fun to be around, we can (and do) talk to each other about anything and everything and he's one of the few people I know who can make me laugh till I'm on the verge of peeing my pants. In short, he makes me feel really good about myself and that's a rare and beautiful thing. I'm still not quite ready to take the plunge with him but in the mean time, there will be pants! Will post pics of my efforts.

Feeling Feeble

I have a cold and a fever. Every muscle from my hips down to my ankles feels like it's been stripped with a potato peeler, jabbed with pointy things, given a wedgie and then set aflame. In short, I am not well :(

I am very rarely ill and so it is that I tend to forget how much it sucks, how unlike myself it makes me feel. One of the things I like most about being fit is that it's mentally empowering. If I'm ever called upon to scale a wall, leap over a car, bust my way out of a locked room, I'm pretty sure I could do it. The mental buzz I get from that is more gratifying to me than possessing a gravity-defying ass (although obviously, I quite like that too;).

I was a geeky little kid and while I may have been praised on occasion for my intellect, physical pursuits were disdained and discouraged. Accordingly, I didn't particularly value my body and I filled it with rubbish. It didn't have much outward impact in terms of my weight but I sure did feel crappy. Looking back it seems bizarre but it took me until I was pregnant to really connect fuel and feelings, to consider treating my body nicely as a reward in itself. Carrying a child and giving birth awakened me to seeing my body as a purposeful instrument.

I now utilise my physicality and strengths every single day, in all sorts of ways and to be unable to do so, even through illness, feels like a real slap in the face. Being ill makes me feel feeble and it scares me to think that this is a glimpse of what old age may bring. To have the mind be willing but the flesh be weak? No thank you!

So while my body is recuperating, I'm going to busy myself planning my training for the next month and set myself some targets. Weights-wise, I've been focussing more on compound movements to get the last of the winter chub off. It was persistant this year - evidently I am not fully over the emotional eating thing yet. By way of encouragement, I'm going to focus more on my shoulder workouts again. One dedicated session a week, including my much hated lat raises! My reasoning is this: I actually worked shoulders last week for the first time in a long while, mainly because the gym was busy and damned if I could get near anything else I wanted to use. In amongst the pain, I looked in the mirrors and saw that the striations on my anterior delts were visible again and it reminded me of how quickly I get results with my shoulders ... and how pretty I think it is when they look wicked strong! I think it'll be a nice boost to see them back in their rightful shape and will inspire me to work harder on trickier areas. My strength is certainly coming back (probably about 80% of what is was at what I laughingly consider my peak!) and I'm going to continue to work hard on that for the rest of the month and then come June, it'll be super clean eating time.

It will be nice to have my body back the way I like it :)

Best laid plans

Yesterday's training schedule went completely to pot for a horrible reason. The pi (my son) is being bullied at school and things escalated to the point where he got punched in the face. I can hardly begin to describe how sad and angry and impotent this makes me feel. In any case, I ended up spending the whole morning in the head teachers office trying to sort things out. This is the first time I've been down to the school to see her and she hasn't made me sit outside waiting like a naughty girl. Serious business indeed.

It was too late to do a full workout by the time I got back so instead I knocked out:

3 x 12 deadlifts
3 x 12 squats
3 x 12 standing calf raises
3 x 6 bicep curls (because I cannot resist a curl!)

and then went for a 5K run. I am not yet accustomed to using a barbell so I'm keeping weights in the 12 rep range till I'm happy with my form.

Still felt angsty in the evening so I threw The Terminator in the DVD player and knocked out 300 press ups and 300 sit ups. I say 'knocked out' to be all cool and casual and to hide the fact that by the end I looked like I was having some sort of seizure!

More later ...

Prep

"I contain multitudes" (Walt Whitman)

A lot goes on in my head. I often intend for it to make it out and go other places but that hasn't always been the case. I get bound up in the details of it and end up doing nothing.

This here is an attempt to just get on with things. I wanted somewhere to keep track of my crafts, somewhere to keep track of my fitness endeavours, somewhere I can write a little bit and so help free up some space in my head. Ordinarily, I would want to be organised and have separate blogs for everything but I have recognised that impulse for what it is ... avoidance! This is me just doing it.

Heading off to the gym shortly for a legs session, some tricep work and then pilates. I ran this morning so the cardio is already taken care of.

It seems that today is a hungry day. Do you ever get those, where no matter how much you eat it is never enough? Well, it's one of those. Decided it was as good a time as any to try out the new protein pancake recipe!

Ingredients:
1 egg
1/2 banana
1/2 cup cottage cheese
1/2 cup oats
cinnamon (I used loads because I happen to love it)

Just blend it all up together, adding a little water if the mixture is too stiff.

I have to say that the end result is not bad at all. We ate them with the other half of the banana chopped on top (waste not want not).

I think that sometimes the unreasonable hunger comes from simply not eating enough of the right things. I'm being mindful of my diet just now though so I'm going to blame this one on hormones. This means I get to eat until the feeling subsides :)