There is a lot going on right now. It feels like someone's taken the contents of my head and given them a good shake around like a snow globe. When it settles, it'll be dandy but in the meantime chaos ensues! It's not helped by an astonishing number of petty little disasters happening on a daily basis - things (all manner of things) breaking, punctures, being late, sleeping poorly, ridiculous nose bleeds, forgetting stuff, unexpected expenses, niggly injuries. All very little things but there's always that moment when it starts to feel like the universe is waging a war of attrition against you. For the record, I don't think it is but I certainly feel like I could do with a holiday ... and it's still only January!
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom"
That quote is from Viktor Frankl, the author of Man's Search For Meaning. It sums up some of the things I've been thinking about lately. I've been doing a whole lot of reading, a lot of it about sports pyschology. Physical training is by it's nature tangible and I've got a handle on that - the way I train my body is usually decent preparation for any given event. What I do not yet have a good grasp of is the mental side of competing. I have things that I say in my head to urge myself on in training, I know how to push myself. What I don't yet know is how my mind will respond to new race events, all of which this year have ever increasing numbers of variables at play. I quoted Frankl because the idea that we can choose our response appeals to me. While I am undoubtedly a thoughtful creature and given to ruminating, I am also impulsive, prone to tantrums and following gut instincts which regularly get me into trouble. If I get into difficulties in a race, I don't currently know which side of me will prevail - I might pull myself together and overcome but I just as easily might sit myself down at the side of the road and cry or perhaps throw all my toys out of the pram. There is value in keeping a cool head. The best example I can think of here is Chrissie Wellington; to get a puncture, cock up with your CO2 and keep it together enough to fix things and still go on to win the race? That is impressive and it's an attitude which I think is worth trying to emulate. So, in addition to the physical training, I will be continuing with my reading and giving the mental side of things a little more respect. I don't imagine that I will ever win a race (outside of school sports days) but I do need to come out of it feeling that I did my best. We're talking self respect here (though if glory does happen to come my way, I won't say no). Aside from that, I do really enjoy reading about sports psychology ... and so, the pile of books by the bed continues to grow!
Soon to be joining the pile is this little beauty which I have on pre-order:
Of course I want to read it but it was also part of a (very minor, honestly) online splurge. That was step one in my five point stress-reduction plan - to get myself a little treat.
Step two: some of the things which are currently troubling me are outwith my hands, so I'm going to go right ahead and ignore them. I'm not advocating avoidance as a life tactic though so I will be trying to address the ones that I can perhaps do something with. Sleep deprivation is my main issue I think. I am constantly tired, my training is suffering, as is my recovery and my appetite and I'm starting to feel at odds with myself and the rest of the whole world. It's no good and the effects are cumulative so it needs dealing with sooner rather than later. To this end, I am going to give ZMA a try. It can't hurt. Most of my research on it has turned up very positive responses both as an aid to sleep and in terms of helping muscle recovery. I found a few cases which showed no response to it and really quite a large number of people who reported extremely vivid and highly sexualised dreams while using ZMA. As side effects go, I have zero problem with this - if I'm dreaming, I'm sleeping and dream sex is better than no sex whatsoever ;)
Step three: keep moving forward. I have to confess while things are very hectic right now, it is mostly my doing. I have my big mega goal in mind and in order to get there, I need to get on with a number of things. Impatient as I am, I have launched myself upon a few different things at once. I know from past experience that it only hurts to start with and once I get a bit of momentum going, I'll be fine. Until that point, I need to just grit my teeth and keep going. Eyes on the prize, as they say.
Step four: accepting opportunities. Putting my big plan into action is going to require a bit of financing so this means it's time to get saving. Like most of us, I don't often have a whole lot of spare cash to fling around so I've been having a think about ways to raise some extra cash. I'm good with my hands and quite a crafty sort (we're talking hand crafts, not cunning) and I used sell the things I made at craft fairs, via commission etc. I stopped doing so because a lot of the textile art I was selling at the time was very personal and I felt horribly exposed at craft fairs, sitting there while people looked and judged. However, I had been thinking about maybe going back to it. The money would be useful and the repetitive nature of hand crafts is very soothing and therapeutic when your head is in a jumble. As luck would have it, I got a phone call this morning offering me studio space (for free!) I have been on the waiting list for this studio literally for years. It's part of an art co-op and they have great links with a lot of the local galleries so it would be stupid to say no, especially when I had been toying with the idea anyway. I do feel like a bit of a fraud on this one (me, an artist?) but the offer was made via a committee decision so I guess I might have a smidge of talent. That, or I was up against some real losers ...
Step five: EAT!!!!! This is a priority at the moment. My appetite tends to go bye bye when I'm stressed. Partly I just don't feel hungry but I also just get really absent minded about it. Case in point, today I made dinner for the two of us. Only discovered when the timer went off that the food was not cooked because the oven has died. Went to stick it in the microwave instead, opened the door ... and discovered my lunch still in there. I had made it but not got around to eating it and I hadn't even noticed. I can't afford to be missing meals. Running on empty is not a useful thing. So even if I have to write all my meals down on my daily to do list, I will make sure I eat properly.
Keeping on top of small things like this is the best way for me to navigate the currently very choppy waters of my life. I will extend my craptastic metaphor a little further and say that I am hoping for a return to smoother sailing soon. In the mean time, I'll just keep pootling along and hope that my body co-operates with me (though I think it might be time to take the old girl in for an MOT).
There's a movie named after you - Braveheart! ;) x
ReplyDeleteDumb and Dumber may be closer to the mark but thank you anyway, kind sir :)
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