Want vs Need: Part 2

I was going to reference Of Mice and Men at this point but really it's more Of Plonkers and Men (or merely Men who are Plonkers). Nowhere is my struggle to separate what I want from what I need more evident than in the men I have chosen to date/live with/spawn with.

The men that I want are, by and large, completely unsuitable. I don't deliberately go after bad boys but I certainly seem (on a subconscious level) to like them to be a bit inconsiderate or at least possessed of the kind of flaw which you could write a Greek tragedy around.

I had the occasional boyfriend at high school but nothing serious. My first proper grown up boyfriend was called Paul. He looked like a cross between Jesus and one of the BeeGees (possibly Barry, if he is one. Not Robin anyway and that's the main thing). I was 17, he was roughly double my age. He was artistic, musical, creative ... he was also unemployed and something of an alcoholic. Luckily I had a place at a university in a town on the east coast and made good my escape.

I remember my very first night in the halls of residence. All us freshers were herded into groups and the enforced socialisation began! That evening I acquired three suitors, two of whom were nice boys and one of whom was an arrogant shit. I think we can guess who I chose in the end. Reader, he broke my heart. Eventually I recovered and a new man caught my eye. Again, he was older and I thought I didn't stand a chance with him but apparently I did. We were together for 5 years and I don't think that I have ever loved anyone the way that I loved him.  They say opposites attract and that may well be true - it doesn't mean that they'll be able to stay together though. I realised that I couldn't spend the rest of my days with a man who was, amongst other things, a capitalist. I was far too much of a lefty hippy for him. Breaking up was the right thing to do, of that I have no doubt, but it hurt like no other.

The other men in my life seem to fall into two camps - the psychotic and the utterly banal. I am a sucker for the under dog but tire quickly of those with negative attitudes. I don't require my partner to have an awesome physique but I am ultimately intolerant of laziness or a lack of get up and go. I thought maybe my expectations were too high so I dated outside of what I would usually go for. There was the pilot with the porsche - sorry but fancy cars, big houses and other big things cannot make up for the fact that you are boring. Money does not impress me. I dated a car mechanic who was very nice. We liked lots of the same things but there was just no spark. Worse yet, he seemed unaware that there was no spark (despite the fact that I fell asleep the first time he kissed me. Yes, during). I retired from the dating scene since it appeared that I was not yet ready to settle.

(This section is currently undergoing some reconstruction and will be back shortly)


I can't envisage being alone for the rest of my life but I have realised that I do not trust my judgement.  When it comes to men, I don't know what's best for me or what I really need. Things are going to be kept on a strictly casual basis from now on. By and large that's fine ... except that it means that I won't be going anywhere near the lovely Mr Bear after all. He wants more than casual and I'm not prepared to go there at the moment.

In the mean time, I will continue on the path of fitness. It has never let me down :)

I think I have my running mojo back this week but more about that tomorrow.

Night all x